End-of-life decisions are wrenching and ever more medically complex, but we can honor both God and our loved ones as death nears.
When Roger, a gentleman in his late 80s, arrived in the ICU, he was already suffering from the end-stage effects of multiple diseases. His health had so declined that even reading the Bible proved difficult. Already worn from illness, he agreed to an attempted resection of his cancer only to please his family, and he urged his wife not to allow CPR or a ventilator if he worsened after the operation. “I want you to let me be with God when he calls me,” he told her.
Tragically, after the surgery his lungs failed. In accordance with his wishes, rather than proceed with a ventilator, his care shifted to a focus on comfort. His wife spent that evening by his side, caressing his hand, praying over him, and singing to him softly.
But later that night, the couple’s estranged son stormed into the ICU. “You’re not going to kill my father!” he shouted at the staff. “I know my dad. He was a God-fearing man who until six months ago went to church every Sunday. He would not be okay with this!”
The heart-wrenching situation of Roger’s family is frightfully common. The shroud of medical technology that surrounds death increasingly confronts families with baffling dilemmas about end-of-life care. Up to 70 percent of people cannot vouch for themselves at the end of life, and in such cases the burden of decision-making falls to loved ones, many already reeling with fear and grief. The toll on families is heavy; loved ones often suffer from depression, anxiety, and even PTSD for up to a year after making end-of-life decisions.
As only one-third of Americans have an advance directive, most families navigate these conflicts rudderless. Those of us who follow Christ instinctively lean into our …